He kissed a someone with a penis
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
