I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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