It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
