i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
