Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
