sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
