break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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