btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
