just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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