Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
