it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I had to cum in my sink.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
