I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
