Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
