The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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