I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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