matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
