I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
