So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
we're so committed to being not committed
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
