I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
