I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
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I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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