my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Alive.
So much puke
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
