i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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