yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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