Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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