You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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