Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
