Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
