There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
