is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
