i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
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