just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
