I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
