I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
