I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
