I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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