honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
