Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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