you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
this boner is exhausting
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
