Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
