I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
