are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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