I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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