In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
