You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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