I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
