When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
