Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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