When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
