i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We need to get me chipped asap
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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