why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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