I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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