$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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