i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
