so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
