just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
