is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
