Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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