My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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