Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
