JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
