Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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