So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
