it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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