no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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