just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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