and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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