24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm at about main and main street
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
